Dreamwalker asked me the other day when I asked him how much he loved me….How can I quantify love? It got me to thinking what is love really, how do you explain it in words? He was so right. There is no way to express love in words.
Love is so many things and he has taught me so much about it. Lust is all consuming. It can ravage your body and torture your mind and too often lust and love are confused. Although I am not sure you can fall in love with someone without it. I lust for Dreamwalker all the time. There is no doubt about that.
He is the subject of all of my daytime fantasies. I find my mind wandering to thoughts of his touch, his smell and I am consumed with raw desire. Sometimes I can’t sit comfortably I get so swollen and wet. Is that love? I don’t think so. I think that is primal and carnal but no….it’s not love.
So then how do I know I love him? I know because when I think of the pain he has been through I can’t stop the tears from falling. I know that the thought of him feeling alone and sad puts a physical ache in my chest and again I can’t stop the tears from pouring out.
I know that if I lost him, I would lose everything , a thought that terrifies me. I know that I would give up anything he asked me to if it would make him happy, including him. That is where the love is. The love is in knowing that if having me out of his life would make him better, feel whole again, then I would walk away and never look back…..And I would be lost forever. That is love. I love you Dreamwalker with all my heart and soul and I just want you to be happy , to find peace in your soul, and to heal.
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