Gentle Spirit

You assault my senses both my physical and emotional senses relentlessly. I don’t know whether to tell you to stop or go. When you take my ass, every time so far, it has been brutal and the sparks of love and pain at the same time have completely overloaded me. The other night though was different. So different. Just trying to process what was happening was enough for even the most advanced of Masochists. You had missed me though and you needed to show me how much. As you drove yourself into me, all I could do was beg you for mercy. Mercy never came. In response to my requests to slow down, you answered with your mouth. Not with your words… but with your mouth.

As you buried your teeth into my back all I could do was scream. Scream a scream so loud, so feral, so raw that I thought… this time for sure the cops are coming. They never came but your bites did and they did not subside. This was not a night for mercy, at least I thought so at the time. (A week later and the bruises are still vivid in color). I tried to process the attack on my butt and on my back. The only thing that came out was screams. Horror movie screams. The screams you hear when the girl in the movie knows she has met her end. You covered my mouth, I covered my own mouth. I was so afraid the police were coming. If they came and heard the noises coming out of your room, you would have been spending time in jail. No question. Oh God, that would be tragic. Nobody understands us and it’s so frustrating and even hurtful at times.

Yet… when you were finished making love to me, you broke my heart. You sat on the corner of the bed with a look of sadness and remorse that I won’t soon forget. That remorseful look is so devastating to me. My beautiful Angel, never be sorry for who you are. Never be sorry for what you inflict on me. I only receive it as love, and I love you so deeply. I need you to give it all to me; I want all of you my beautiful Sadist. My beautiful Dreamwalker. There is not another soul like you on this planet.

As I lay there, my brain was active but my body was weak. My arm hung over the bed and I didn’t have the strength to lift it. I wanted to reach out and touch you and tell you how much I love you, all of you. I couldn’t. I could not find the physical strength to move. I managed to cover one side of my butt but could not find the strength to get the other. I crashed and every part of me burned. Even though I lay there exposed, I did not care. I was so disheveled but I did not care. All I cared about was regaining my breath, my sanity, my composure and recovering my heart.

You somehow do that to me. When you are in the zone, I am riding your rollercoaster and everything I know goes out of my mind. I am with you and you are with me. Nothing else exists except you. You are the only one in my mind, heart, body and soul. Even as much as you shake my senses, I always remember to cover up after. I always make sure that I am composed. You know how body conscious I am about myself. You made the sweetest gesture there on the bed looking so sad. You pulled down my nightdress for me to make me more comfortable. You knew I would be feeling humiliated and you covered me up to prevent my heart from feeling any ounce of shame or embarrassment.

You knew how unhappy I would be feeling exposed and you took my nightie and covered me. That is love. That is why I love you so very deeply. You have such moments of tenderness. Your tenderness is as brutal as your Sadism. It made me cry, it still makes me cry. It made me love. It made me believe. You make me believe that my feelings are worth something. My needs are important. My love is worth having.

Thank you for being so beautiful. Thank you for being so intense. Thank you for being there for me always. I love you.