Gentle Spirit

A very good friend of mine was pondering whether or not she could have such a close and intimate relationship with her Dominant that he would eventually know her limits so well, that they would become his limits, hence making her a no limits submissive.  In saying limits we are not talking about hard limits such as bestiality, doing something illegal, scat, breath play etc…..This was along the lines of physical and emotional limits.

In reflecting on this theory I have concluded that this would not work with Dreamwalker and I.  I am his, and as such he is entitled to use me for his pleasure and when he does this, no matter how I struggle in the moment, afterwards, I get a spiritual release and high that satisfies the deepest hunger of my Soul.  I fear that were he to accept my limits as his and stop working with me on how far I can be pushed and push myself that what we have now would eventually become a mediocre at best relationship, which would be a totally preventable tragedy.

Complacency is dangerous.  It is a silent assassin.  If he is not pushing me or training me to accept HIS limits, then I won’t grow as his girl and eventually he will become bored with me and this beautiful connection that we have forged will die a slow and torturous death.  I shudder at that thought.  I have found the most spectacular love of my life and I will protect it at all costs.

I need to suffer for him.  I need to push myself.  I need to overcome my emotional and physical limits.  I can’t imagine him repressing his darkest desires knowing that there is someone out there that can satisfy them for him.  I am his, that is what I want and need, and when I can push myself for him, I get an overwhelming feeling of peace and deep love for him.  We both stay present, we both grow and he falls in love with me over and over and over again with each obstacle I overcome for him because I am proving my devotion and love for him.

Every time he raises the bar and I can rise to the occasion, not only is it exciting and gratifying sexually but it is feeding us both emotionally.  It is a journey we are taking together with each other and for each other.

It is the easy path for Dreamwalker to accept my limits and think that he is doing it out of love for me.  He is an incredibly good and feeling man and sometimes he does struggle with the notion that he is inflicting something unwanted on me.  I know sometimes it is hard for him to see me struggle because loves me.  I understand that he thinks he is making me happy by not pushing too hard, but I need all of him.  I need him to ravage my body and my heart and my soul.  It is in those moments I thrive.  I love myself in those moments as much as I love him.  He isn’t hurting me, he is healing me.

He couldn’t be more wrong in thinking I will stop loving him or ever look at him with anything but love in my eyes.  While it is more effort and work for us both emotionally and physically, by raising myself up to his limits, I am earning the honor of being his.  I know that I am the one that suffers for him and when he looks into my eyes with such love and pride and disbelief then I know I am the best possible woman that I can be.  I feel loved and accepted.  He feels loved and accepted.

I texted him this today after thinking more about this and discussing it with him:

“Mak­ing love to you is about the jour­ney and not the des­ti­na­tion. I love it and it’s won­der­ful, all of it, and I want to get lost with you.

And some­times we will get lost on the wrong side of town but I will feel safe because I know you won’t let any harm come to me. Other times we will get lost and dis­cover the most beau­ti­ful parts of each other and we will be in awe at the raw beauty we see.

But the most impor­tant thing is that we take this jour­ney together, hold­ing hands until we finally reach our ulti­mate des­tiny. I love you”

If we take this journey using my map we will never get lost.  I follow directions.  We will be on a long and boring journey and eventually run out of things to look at, and say to each other.  He will begin to wish this journey would hurry up and end and so will I.  As long as he is driving, we will always get lost, because he doesn’t use a map.

I need it to be his way. His rules, his limits.   I need this journey to last as long as it possibly can.

Dreamwalker, please never ever as long as you know me accept my limits.  Please hold my hand as I walk through the fire of your love and help me emerge on the other side, otherwise I will turn to ash and this beautiful connection will just become a fading memory.